She loves Christmas
by greysantomyyyyyxxxxxx
Summary: Addison Montgomery loves Christmas, but this year it's a little bit harder. One shot.


_**Author's Note: Merry Christmas!! Here's a bit of holiday angst to make your holidays a little brighter. Don't you just love this time of year? Christmas drabble—as always, review and enjoy.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.**_

Addison Montgomery pulls her coat tightly around her waist. She looks out into the fire burning in her new, unfurnished townhouse. She attempts to focus on the dark, burning log in the back of the fireplace—it hurts less this way. She leans back on soft sofa in her hotel room. Soft Christmas jazz is playing in the background of her hotel room. She loves Christmas. They loved Christmas.

She remembers their first Christmas together. Derek woke her up early, dragging her downstairs. The fire burned brightly and a blue box with a dark red ribbon was the only present under the tree. Derek bent down to pick up the present and hand it to Addison. Slowly, Addison opened the box, and gasped as she saw solitaire diamond resting inside of the box.

Derek kneeled down and looked up at Addison, his eyes meeting hers.

"Addison all I want for Christmas if for your to be my wife. To wake up with me each morning, and to go to bed with me each night. To be by my side forever."

Addison said yes, but somehow forever came to an end. Now, she's alone on Christmas. No tree, no presents, just overwhelming loneliness and emptiness. She knows she should have flown back to New York for Christmas with her family. She couldn't handle it though. She didn't want to be pitied. She didn't want to ignore the whispers about her failed marriage.

Addison leans forward and picks up her champagne flute, finishing it's contents, maybe that would make this day a lot easier to deal with.

"Merry freaking Christmas," She says to empty space around here. She picks up her blackberry, deleting the half dozen "Merry Christmas" e-mails in her inbox. She listens to the voicemail from her father. She deletes the message and closes her eyes.

They were supposed to be together forever. He wasn't supposed to become absent. She wasn't supposed to sleep with Mark. None of this was supposed to happen.

Now she's taking steps forward, trying to act like she's okay. It's been six months, she should be okay by now. She invites Meredith to work on her service at least once a week. She smiles at Derek when she sees him in the hall.

Some days she even believes that her efforts are sincere. Some days she is able to convince herself that she's ready to start again, and that the hurt is gone. Christmas is not one of these days. Christmas is the day you want to be with the people you love, and whether she likes it or not she wants to be with Derek. 

Addison picks her blackberry back up hitting the familiar stroke of keys, lifting the phone to her ear. She listens to it ring, and feels her stomach tighten as he answers.

"Hello."

"Hey it's me," she responds. "I just wanted to tell you Merry Christmas."

She hears him sigh on the other end of the line. "Merry Christmas Addison. I wanted to call earlier, but I didn't want it to be… awkward or anything."

"Well, I appreciate that. I'm okay, you should have called."

"I know," he responds. "Did you go back home for the holidays? I haven't seen you around the hospital for a couple of days."

Addison shifts in her seat. "No, I'm here in Seattle. I took a couple of days off, just to enjoy the holidays." Addison lies, not willing to admit that she took the days off because she couldn't handle being around him during this time of year.

"So you're spending Christmas alone?"

"Yes." Addison responds, trying to keep her voice level.

"Addison…"

"No Derek. It's not a big deal. Anyways, you should get back to whatever you were doing. I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas."

"No, you shouldn't be alone on Christmas. You love Christmas," Derek responds.

"You're right, and I still do. Tell Meredith I said 'Merry Christmas'."

"I will. Merry Christmas, Addison."

"Merry Christmas, Derek." Addison hits the red, end button on her phone. She wipes the welling tears around her eyes. As much as it hurt to talk to him, she knows it's something she has to do.

Addison rises to her feel, picking up the bottle of champagne with her as she does so. She take a long swig of the bottle. It was time to move on. She couldn't sit in the solitude her room anymore. She loves Christmas. She loved it before Derek, and she would love it afterward.


End file.
